It really doesn’t seem like I got on the plane to California more than a week ago. It feels like I’ve been living on this orchard for ages. People have already come and gone, and the weather has changed from baking hot to cool summer rain. We’re up in the mountains above San Bernardino. It’s dry and yellow and hot and everything smells like pine needles in the sun. I like it here. The land is so much wilder and scrubbier than what I’m used to. I like the nighttime crickets and the mountain silhouettes and the sound of the running creek.
This is the sort of lifestyle I always pictured myself enjoying. Out in the open, getting my hands dirty and living with an ever-changing assortment of people. Everything here is sort of dirty and half finished, but we get on just fine. Yesterday I got all muddy and wet while we were building a dam in the creek. I’ve given up on having clean feet. It’s never going to happen.
The blackberries are ripening, and so are the peaches. We pick them right off the trees and sell them on the highway. We’ve got sweet cherry plums and tart crab apples and jars upon jars of golden mountain honey. All these growing things me happy - that, and being perpetually stoned. Two guys run a grow-op right up the mountain road, and they stop by twice a week to give us free “medicine” and pass around a joint or two. This is the life, I tell you. Free weed, free fruit, warm sunshine and an outdoor shower under the stars. I am content here, but next week I think I’ll be quite ready to leave and start the next leg of my adventure.
I finally made it to LA. It looks mostly the same as it did when I was here in December, a year and a half ago - golden sunshine and towering palm trees and strange flowers. This place feels big and warm and glamorous and endlessly diverse. It’s so different from where I come from. Here, the mountains meet the sea, and the sun is always out, and everything is so wide open and beautiful. Sweeping boulevards and expensive cars and bubblegum sunsets. It’s picture perfect.
Sometimes I think there isn’t much to miss about Wisconsin, but there is. I’ll miss the green forests and the soft fireflies and the warm nights on my roof. I’ll miss the sounds of robins and the smell of rain and watching our garden grow. Now I’m on my own. I really am. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I know that I will remember this summer for a long time. I’m excited for the people I’m going to meet, for the things I’m going to learn, for the places I’m going to see. The ocean, the mountains, the forest, the California skies.
I’m excited to share part of this adventure with Chris. We’re driving from LA to Seattle together after I finish working on my peach orchard. We’re going to see so much. It’s just unimaginable how much we are going to see and do and learn. Last night we were lying in bed together and he told me he loves me. I said it back. The words felt strange in my mouth, kind of like trying on a new pair of shoes or something. I think I do love Chris. He makes me feel all happy and giddy and just plain comfortable in my own skin. All we do is laugh when we’re together. He’s always looking out for me, always doing cute things to make me happy. I love everything about lying in bed with him, talking in whispers about what we miss and what we want and what we’re afraid of. Sometimes we don’t say anything at all. We don’t need to. I love when he smiles at me and kisses me on the forehead. It’s funny how you fall in love with people. It sort of just happens without your consent.
"And men said that the blood of the stars flowed in her veins."
- C. S. Lewis (via lastisle)
"Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."
- Oscar Wilde, The Canterville Ghost (via iliketridentgum)
"there's a boy at school i texted a bit, talked to in class etc, got mixed signals like twice we were supposed to hang but he had excuses for not showing but then he'd be friendly?? anyway i kno i should probs let it go but i don't wanna and i still have hope/there are little reasons to believe he might like me back. weeks ago i texted him to text me if he wants to hang out this summer and he just said 'alright' haven't heard from him since. thoughts?"
Forget him! It does not sound like he is worth your time. There are much better people out there who will make more of an effort to get to know you and spend time with you.
It’s my last day of work ^_^